We should all agree that waking up in the morning January to December then another year isn’t a guarantee, looking at the daily schedules, goals and expectations and thinking about it is a whole different thing. How big should a dream be to get you going time and again, how can one stop thinking of how the next step is steep and sloppy, what makes it all worse is the thought and worry which never change or help a thing. I look in the mirror and I can’t help but wonder “Lord, oh my Lord, can I? Many would think me crazy, and others just a confused lazy soul and yes some would actually think me proud, but all I will say to all is this, you could but will you?
Believe me, am asking, honestly striving to find the possibility in yet another event. Another dream! I look out my window of hope and all I can see is a cloudy night. I get the courage to open the knob of the behind door so no one notices how am not ready for today but then it’s all foggy and mist outside. Get back in to get that heavy jacket on and when I look out my window of faith and all I can see is fear staring right back at me. Can you even make 10 steps, neither can you breathe by the 11th, never the less it has to be me, I started it, I alone see the vision most clearly. Beat myself up again, talk sense into myself,” you have to do what you got to do”. Forgive me for asking, but I still will ask, can I?
My world slowly crumbling, my dreams steadily fading, and my faith urgently in need of service. Yet as fate may have it, you got to do this first, finish it and pick up the next, so really my life as a gladiator has just begun, it’s a battle which seems to be for survival this time round actually, a thousand dead besides me, twice as much staring asking me how special I think of myself, assuring me that I can never get anywhere near what I see clearly and very much alive in front of me. This time round the shields have been stripped off me by fellow comrades who see me to be having more than I need, besides they seem to see me struck before than when their fate wills.
My blade is like frozen steel in my hands, it only swings to cut when its blunt, and for once the mocking cheers seem to come from a distant land, like whispers to a deaf ear on a blind man. I seem to be crawling this time round, couldn’t hold off the falling debris along this stumbling block, It’s not uncertainty that am choosing to embrace but I seem not be shifting from this position this time round and where am from, it seems a smooth slope, do you think I will?
Do you think I have it in me to win, to soar the skies, to excel..
Though my armor is broken and my sword is frozen, do you still see the victor you once knew or will I now be a victory song once sung, a voice slowly fading to a whisper, a whisper that will never be told.
Many of us have reached this point so often, appoint of confusion, fear, a point of utter despair, where everything is so unclear, so skeptical.
But in my moments of weakness, that point before I drop my sword and lay waste all my values, when the helper seems all but near, I am reminded of these great words.Though the fig trees maybe not figs and there maybe no grapes on the vine. There maybe no olives growing and no food growing in the fields (Habakkuk 3:17). There maybe no sheep in the pens and cattle in the barns but still I will praise the lord I will rejoice in god my savior.
And so I encourage you my friend, sometimes the picture does not add up, sometimes life seems like a waste of time does but know one thing is for sure. He is faithful, and when all is said and done and the final picture before is displayed. It might not be what you expected, but it will be beautiful. So dream big, get up, walk, run if you must for he who begun the good work in you is faithful to see it to completion.
BY NAMYALO SANDRA
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
She is in her final year of her first degree, Bachelors of science in Mechanical Engineering.
She looks at things differently, you might think she has a different type of mirror,the kind of which one looks through and sees what exactly you aspire for and go through that mirror and be exactly that image, but its not like, was just brought up to deliver 100% that even 99% was not an option. Isn’t that inspiring!